Letting go....Really??

I prayed a prayer today. It's the same prayer I've prayed many many days. Truthfully I'm kind of surprised that I'm still praying the same old prayer, because by now this situation should be null and void and over. I think I know the reason I still feel the need to pray this prayer though...it's because I haven't yet truly completely and fully let go. Oh I think I have many times. I tell myself and others that I have. But the proof is in the pudding and the eating thereof, right?
I was thinking about this situation today, and I was thinking of something I could do to "fix" it. Just like I've tried to "fix" it every time before. Only today something occurred to me as I was studying on the fix-it possibilities....God doesn't need my help to fix anything! He really can do it without you, Stephanie!! Really, He can!
Wow.... what a concept. You mean I don't have to control every issue in my life and do everything I can do to fix what seems broke? (keeping in mind every time I try to fix this situation it seems like it ends up worse than before I started) in this particular case I was trying to come up with the words to yet another letter to a certain individual to try to bring peace to a situation, and I've sent several such letters out to this person, only to either be ignored or set aside and passed over....as I sat there searching for the words, the light bulb went off and I realized that for God to fix this situation (however He thinks is best), He doesn't need me to intervene yet once again, and try to patch this hole in the tire. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if maybe He doesn't really want this hole patched up at all. Maybe I'm supposed to leave this tire alone for good.
That's hard for me, because it isn't what I want, but really what I want in my heart of hearts is what HE wants. There was a story once about a monkey in a cage, and he had an apple in his hand, and if he could just let go of that apple, he could fit thru the bars of the cage and go free, but he held on to that apple with all his might, not realizing there were a bounty of apples in the world outside the cage. Sometimes I feel like my fingers need to be pried off of that apple, and I hate it that I'm like that; I wish I could just so easily let go. And this situation is like that apple, and me trying to fix it is my hands around the apple. But what if this isn't supposed to be the apple for me?

I erased the words I had written, in the "fix-it" letter, telling myself that God doesn't need my help to fix this, and maybe I just need to lay it down, and count it as a lost cause. There are many such lost causes in life; some of them mean much to us, some of them not so much, but every one of them affects us in different ways. In this case, my natural self feels like I'll never get over this lost cause - the heartache, the pain, the missing of this person in my life. But I tell myself if this person was supposed to be a part of my life, God could and would bring that to pass, and He doesn't need me to intervene and help Him out. I've been trying to fix this all on my own, while still sending up the prayers, but now I believe it is time for me to lay the apple down and realize maybe it's just not the apple for me. And me feeling like I'll never get over it in my heart?? He can take care of that too.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is in Hebrews, Chapter 11, verse 6: "....he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and (that) he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." What this means to me is that if I pray this prayer today, I must believe that God is God, and that He will reward me (answer my prayer) if I diligently seek Him. May God give me grace to let go of the apple today.