Every Believer knows this Tape. Every Believer knows this battle. This is what I'm listening to today, and this is what I'm fighting today. The sun is shining brightly outside this warm Saturday afternoon, but inside I feel just "bleh". That's it. Bleh! I kind of like those four little letters together. To me they sum up a whole bucket full of feelings into one little nonsensical word. I think people have the idea that Christians aren't supposed to feel down, have troubles, get sad, get angry, or any of those other negative emotions that humans walk around with. I have to say I haven't reached so high yet that I'm above those things....I wish I were...I long to live with joy everyday, no worries, no frustration, perfect peace and harmony, never a shadow of anything but joy. I just am not there yet.
Thank God He is not the High Priest of our feelings, but of our confession. I am His Child, I confess. He has redeemed me and given me the Holy Ghost, and deep inside I know there is nothing more I could ask for, outside of the salvation of my loved ones.
That being said, I also know that we still all have troubles, and some are alike and some are oh so different. I suppose that each one of us probably thinks that ours is extraordinary, but truth is, I imagine that's not so.
Mine are of the garden variety....I don't feel good, my feet are swollen like watermelons making it painful to walk on; my doctor says I'm "pre-diabetic" so I'm supposed to cut way back and lose weight, which is easier said than done when you are a food addict; after waiting over a month to get my car fixed because I didn't have the extra funds, I finally got it fixed (replaced the starter) on Wednesday, and today my back window motor went out. With the window down. $160 to replace. I'm going to settle for just getting the window back up somehow and not using it. Got bills that aren't paid. Having growing pain issues with my son, which today has almost had me feel like giving up. Could only pay 1/2 my tithes this month, and still have bills that went unpaid. I hate that royally, and promised the Lord that if He would supply the work on my second job, I'd give Him what I owe in tithes first before anything else. I owe Him so much, and there are people suffering and doing without, and there are missionaries on the field doing without to get This Word out; the LEAST I can do is help send them. And obey Him. It really bothers me to be behind, and I struggle with this. I'm struggling with my son now. I'm struggling with my weight, and the problems I have as a result of it...my doctor gave me an ultimatum this week; basically if I don't lose weight, I'm headed for disaster. I'm kind of glad he told me that, to be honest....I've been goofing off for so long, thinking I was skirting by....I think I needed to hear it's "do or die" time; still it's hard to process this.
I took Little Man to see "Karate Kid" last night....it was a good movie, but I questioned myself afterwards....was I wrong? Would Bro. Branham have done that? Would Jesus have done that? I know Believers who wouldn't set foot inside a theater. I can't hold a candle to their walk with God....unworthy to carry their shoes...it troubles me that I'm so relaxed on things....I had a sister tell me the other day that she no longer reads books (outside of the Bible or Spoken Word books) or plays SkipBo because she wants everything she does to be done in the Name of Jesus...it made me stop and look at my life, and how much I do or say or think that could NOT be done in the Name of Jesus.
Ultimately, somehow, I'm thankful for these trials. They are more precious than gold, the Bible says. I don't deserve, nor do I want, a flower bed of ease. I just need strength for this journey right now; today I'm running a little low...
There's a song that says "He understands when all I can do is cry."....
That's how I feel today.
"Me" stuff...
- Stephanie
- Jeffersonville, IN, United States
- I am a blue collar single mom who doesn't have a whole lot of time to dedicate to blogging, but I enjoy writing, and taking pictures. I am an American by birth, a Christian by God's grace.
5 comments:
I heard Bro. Branham say the other day that we should be like frozen sorghum molasses. Sticking together so tightly we dont' budge...
I also heard him say once that as long as their is conviction and a desire there is hope!
We are told in the Word what is wrong and what is right. Including movies..picture shows as he called it and t.v. He said the devil pulled one over on us and brought it into our home.
But even though some hear that(including us for the first 8 years of our marriage) until it is a burning revelation you can't put what the word says into action. We tried and tried for the longest to get the tv out..turn it off. We knew in our hearts for the longest time going to movies probably was wrong, but we went anyhow. Until God started moving in our lives in a mighty way we asked Him DAILY to give us greater revelation. Things started to move then...I don't mind playing Skipbo or Uno..:) And I read a few good Christian books. But something I ask my kids with the internet and cartoons..."could you do this with Jesus sitting next too you?" There was a Catch the Vision that came out last year that lined it all out clearly to us...the Handwriting On The Wall part in the back..
I'm not condemning you at all sis..I think you are cream of the crop. Just sharing our struggles and victories with you. Something also that gets me all the time and If the love of the world is in you than the love of the Lord isn't...to me that is so strong...but then again is Skipbo and Uno loving this world? Confusing sometimes!
Praying for you tonight!!
Thanks Jo. I need to do a lot more praying for sure...aren't we blessed that we have a Certain Sound to listen to, to guide us and direct us?! Keep us in your prayers! All is well!
Love ya!
I added you to my prayer journal, like I promised.
Love you!
Stephanie...I am right along side you in struggles. I couldn't even bring myself to come to church tonight. I could not get myself in the right spirit. We got SO much out of service today then I walked out of the church and was faced with a brother who I watched intentionally snub my sweet husband. He wouldn't even say hello to us. I walked around the corner and came face to face with another brother who was went out of his way last year to tell us he did not like our son. I rounded the corner and saw two young sisters who had hurt my feelings. It totally broke my heart. I know how I should let it go...I usually do but today it just hit me before I could put my heart where it should be.
We do watch TV and movies but only things like the food channel. I should be reading the bible instead of taking pictures, cleaning, shopping...you can't read or pray enough. We all fail at that.
I know how hard this age is with boys...I'll be praying for you :)
Won't it be wonderful there? Having no burdens to bear? Joyously singing, with heart bells all ringing! Won't it be wonderful there?!
TO most just a song, but to those with burdened hearts longing to go home a victory song!
I wish I could not bear to see what satan wants to show me..I would save myself alot of heartache.
Remember ladies Bro. Branham said "the right mental attitude can bring anything to pass!" We are creators! We have all the power and glory of Jesus Christ! I feel victorious tonight:)
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