Casting out fear....

This week has been a traumatizing week for me emotionally. I have battled with self doubt and fear over my new job, having to remind myself many times that I CAN do this, the Lord gave me this new job because HE knew I can do this, and I don't have to listen to the devil's lies about what I can and cannot do. I've done better and I've done not so better, but I ended on a high note yesterday - at least as far as work was concerned - and I believe He can take care of all that I have need of. 

I missed almost a week and a half of work, week before last, due to the flu. Type A flu. The really really bad kind...the kind that people die from. I don't remember ever being so SICK...just plain ol' sick. But - because He shed His blood for me on Calvary, by His Stripes I am healed. I repeated that over and over all week, and I can say today that I AM healed...the flu bug is gone, and I am back in the saddle again.

We had a family issue that came up that was very difficult to deal with, and that was quite painful, and while it is just one of those things that you have to turn over to the Lord and let Him handle, it was still quite traumatic for me as a mom.  That's about all I can say about it, but hopefully those who read will remember Little Man and I in prayer. The Lord knows all about it.

Lastly, I am trying to be a good witness. I am just trying to witness period.  We have these new CD's that Bro. Joseph put out, that are especially intended for witnessing to the world about this glorious gospel we have so freely been given. It's been a burden on my heart for some time, that I want to DO something for the Lord, and don't know what, or how. The thing is, I am as timid as a jackrabbit when it comes to speaking out, and walking up to someone and giving a testimony. I just about faint on the spot. Still, I am determined I am going to give it my best. I have given some of the CD's out to people I know - people from work - but it's different when you try to talk to a total stranger about the Lord. At least for me it is. So today, Little Man and I headed to the flea market to probe around and see what treasures we could find.  I had some of the new CD's in my car, and decided to grab one and a corresponding book, stuck it in my purse, hoping to find someone to share it with. I saw people in the parking lot that were potential receptees, and headed over to a couple before veering away at the last minute, thinking "these people are going to think I'm nuts".  So I walked on into the store, and just looked around, wondering who I might find to give it to. Finally, several aisles later, there was a middle-aged woman sitting in a booth by herself, reading a book. I walked up to her and after excusing myself, I told her I was committed to witnessing to someone today about what Jesus Christ had done for me, and asked her if she was a Christian and did she know the Lord. She looked at me, almost in horror, and said yes, and please not now.  That was it. I said ok, and walked away, feeling kind of faint almost. I walked thru the entire rest of the flea market with the CD still in my purse. I started to leave it in the bathroom with a note on it saying "free -please take me home". That might sound stupid, but I was starting to think that might be the only way I was going to be able to do this. In the end I decided not to, feeling like I need to find the strength and courage within me somehow, to talk to people. To share God's love. I'll be honest....I don't know how to do this...I don't know how to sound plausible - how not to worry that they are going to call security (which it occurred to me the woman in the booth might do) - and I don't know what to say to get people to listen to me without wanting to run.  But I'm not giving up. I put the CD back in my bag, and kept praying, asking for His Perfect Strength in my perfect weakness, which is something I read in a testimony recently about a brother who also had to overcome his own fears of witnessing to the public.
We have been given so much - what do we do with it? What do I do with it? Have I inspired someone to want to serve the Lord just by watching my life? Not that I know of.  I know that I cannot earn my way in, or buy my way into Heaven. That ticket's already paid for. But I feel a huge sense of responsibility to share with others - I just don't know where to begin. So I'm gonna keep praying, keep believing that He will give me grace to do this. Because He really is THAT wonderful.

Ciao!